Friday, January 8, 2010

Fabulous Fitness Fridays

Convert to Mormanism or Jehovah’s Witnessism (yes, that’s the right way to say it. Duh.) I know this doesn’t immediately SOUND like a fitness technique, but really, it is.

The number of times they come to my door MUST mean their requisite door-to-door walks are at least weekly. And walking for three hours once a week is definitely a fitness technique.

I considered this technique for my own health, but it turns out they require the 10% tithe…or maybe not quite require, but God doesn’t love you as much if you don’t do it, and I’d prefer to beg ignorance rather than be told that God isn’t going to love me when I don’t do something. And I clearly cannot do this particular something since if I did, we’d be eating Ramen every day. For every meal. If I don’t join, I can pretend I didn’t know God wanted me to give him all my money so I could barely feed my family and God is sure to forgive me. He doesn’t read blogs, right?

Especially since He’s eating so well up there in heaven. (Calories don’t count in heaven, haven’t you heard?)


  1. What? You've never seen a chubby angel?

  2. I figured they just wanted to be chubby. Some people are cuter with a few curves, you know?

  3. Someone has to gather up the cash now that Oral Roberts is gone.

  4. You left out the fasting. Walking plus not eating equals Gandhi, and he was very trim.

  5. Im mormon and Im fat... jussayin