Monday, May 9, 2011

Dimpled Balls and the Number Two Reason I'm Too Tired to Post a Blog

The Unsupportive Louse has dimpled balls. 

He hasn't always had dimpled balls, but now he does.  When one looks at a pair of hairy, wrinkly balls, one does not instantly think "cute," but I'd say the dimples are pretty cute.  Not cute like Baby, another category of cute altogether, but cute none-the-less. 

And apparently when one has cute, newly dimpled balls, one wants one's wife to look at said cute dimpled balls and Mother's of tiny babies have TIME to look at cute dimpled ball sacs?  The answer, my friends, is no. 

You see, having a baby will not ruin your social life, it will not ruin your body, it will not ruin your sex life.  Having a SECOND baby...will.  Everything you thought was a myth about the first baby after you had him or her; all those things that you thought you could throw back into under-educated and ill-informed parents faces; all that inner boasting you'd's all come back to haunt you. 

Because there's TWO of them now.  There's no nap time phone calls to catch up with long lost friends, no easy runs with the immobile baby strapped into a jogging stroller, no afternoon quickie while the baby sleeps.  Long lost friends?  Forget you ever knew them.  Jogging?  A waste of time anyway.  Quickie?  Quickie what?  No, really...what? 

And even if, by some crazy chance, both of the product of your loins ARE sleeping at the same time, the LAST thing you're going to want to do is check out a couple scars between your husbands legs.  Sleep would probably be the first choice. 

Facebook the second, of course. 

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Number One Reason Why I'm Too Tired To Post A Blog This Week

I have a baby. 

Do I really have to say any more? 

Really, yes, I do.  I always need to say more, otherwise this whole blog thing wouldn't be nearly as entertaining.  When the whole blog thing actually happens, that is.  And for as often as that is these days, it'd better be damned entertaining.  So, yes, I will say more. 

I have a baby.  And that baby is the sweetest, most darling little creature I've ever set my eyes on.  Even at 1am.  And 2:15.  And 3:07.  And 4:23.  And 5:19am.  Of the same night.  By 6:34 she may have moved to second place.  But probably not.  Because she really just is friggin' adorable. 

Especially when *I* am the only thing she really wants. And I know I'm the only thing she wants because I've begun abandonning her EVERY DAY to the EVILS that are DAYCARE so I can go do something completely unexplanable and unimportant to a tiny precious baby like her. 

Guilt has taken me a long way in life...but I confess this is the best guilt trip I've ever gotten.  If only cuteness came caffeinated.