Nostalgia and Facebook Forever...

I'm not sure that everyone feels the same way as I do, but generally I believe that Nostalgia and Facebook go together quite well. You can step back into the past, dig out the last names of people you haven't thought of for years from somewhere deep in your brain and actually find them! You can see their new lives, new families, new locations, pretend you're a part of it all again. And then you can add them to your list of 183 (and counting) and forget all about them once again if you so please.

Apparently, however, Facebook and Nostalgia may not be such good chums when they involve an ex. I was nostalgia-ing over my summer internship at a National Park about 83 years ago and decided to look up the other summer interns and temps, including the guy I had dated that summer... Here's how the conversation went (definitely paraphrased and possibly more than slightly exaggerated)-

Marc! (name has been changed to protect privacy) It's been a billion years! How are you? You look exactly the same!

Penney! So good to hear from you. I'm SUCH a private person, I HATE Facebook. (clearly we're off to a good start) I've often thought about you over the years and always wondered if you'd found someone and if you were happy...unfortunately you have and you are! You look really happy! You even have a kid!! (he always really wanted kids...) That's great! I'm still single. (hmmm...)

I desperately wanted to be hired full time at Our National Park (name has been changed to protect privacy) but instead I jumped from job to job, moving all over because I couldn't find anything steady. (this man was IN LOVE with Our National Park, his life's dream was working at Our National Park, I'm starting to feel sorry for him...)

My mom died a few years ago. I was so depressed I couldn't talk about it. Until yesterday. When I got your message. (oh God, what have I gotten myself into? and wait a sec, what happened to being a private person??)
I've really missed you, please keep in touch!


Marc- I'm sorry life has been tough on you. Don't worry, even though I'm happy now, I haven't been this happy all the way through the last dozen years, I've had my share of misery too! (it's a possibility you will all think this comment was just as unfounded as Marc seemed to think it was, but come on, you KNOW you all hope your exes are miserable without you, especially if THEY'RE the ones who broke up with YOU, and even if they're happy now and you actually really are happy for them, you still have this little itch somewhere wishing, hoping, praying that they were just as miserable as they made you once. Oh come on, you know you do. Even if you don't, you have to agree with me that it seems Marc needs to know this, right??)

You've been miserable? Whyever would you tell me that? My philosophy is that you can't be happy in life until you're happy with yourself. I decided to be happy with myself several years ago and haven't looked back since. Life is grand. You should really try it. It sounds like you're miserable for no good reason. (this just gets under my skin. Really, I was throwing you a fricking bone dude, a bone, that's it. Your philosophies can kiss my butt!)

No, no, you misunderstood me, I'm very happy now, ridiculously happy, perfect Leave It To Beaver life happy. I just meant I was miserable at some point along the road, there were craters in my journey to paradise, that's all.

Craters? Are you into meteorology? You have to accept your life as it is, accept yourself as you are. If you accept your flaws, and learn to love yourself, you can be happy through anything. Advice...blah, blah, blah...advice, blah blah. (God I'd forgotten how patronizing he was)

Dude, I couldn't have been happy through this. It was a crater, okay? Your advice is not helping me here, I'm happy now. I don't need your advice. I'm not your daughter. I was just trying to open up to you, just opening the old lines of communication; you told me your mother died! I'm just telling you I've kinda sorta maybe been there too...but not really...is all.

You've been where but not really? I'm confused Penny (oh no, he TOTALLY just spelled my name wrong!!), is everything okay? Is this your call for help? What could you have possibly gone through that you were so miserable through that you now feel the need to hide it from me? I can't help you if you don't tell me. (what? what???)

I GOT DIVORCED!! OKAY? Are you happy now? I told you! I got divorced. I haven't always been this happy. My life has not always been this perfect. I just wanted you to know I'd been miserable at some point to make you feel better because you're clearly miserable now. I just wanted to give you a little bit of happiness, a little bit of unspoken revenge. It all would have been fine if you'd just accepted your revenge and not turned it all around on me like you always do. Just because you're a few years older than me (seven) doesn't mean you know everything and I know nothing. I'm not 19 anymore, I've had more life experiences now, I know people are shallow just like me, you can't make me think you're better than me and never hope for that kind of sweet revenge, I just don't believe it...and by the way, this kind of thing is the whole reason we broke up to begin with!! (did I just have this argument...on Facebook...two thousand miles away...with an ex-boyfriend from TWELVE years ago?)

So you got divorced, so what? My new girlfriend is divorced and I don't care. (WTF?? Since when do you have a new girlfriend? In the last 4 days??) Just be happy with yourself and you will be happy with your life. (okay, apparently I did not actually have that argument, apparently it was all in my head...I scroll down in the message box...no, it's really there...apparently he just ignored it...another reason why we broke up to begin with! And I would like to say - new girlfriend or no - of COURSE he doesn't care - the guy was already divorced while we were dating, whose he to suddenly care? That wasn't the stupid point!!)

Ugh. Facebook and Nostalgia are no longer BFF. Facebook and Nostalgia just broke up.