Facebook

Facebook and I have been on a first-name basis for awhile now. Acquaintances, though, you know. We'd say hi to each other when saw each other around, wave to each other in the halls, that sort of thing. If Facebook went missing, I'd have wondered what happened, but more of a general curiosity than a deep concern. If something terrible had happened, I wouldn't have expected to have been called with the news.

Recently, however, Facebook and I have become friends. Good friends. Maybe even BFF. All right, if I'm honest, if Facebook went missing tonight I'd be out there with my parka and flashlight calling out for dear life all night long if I had to...along with the millions of other searchers who couldn't live without Facebook even for that one night either.

Even with the several recent make-overs, Facebook can't shake us addicts. It's like a nose ring or a tattoo. The first couple times you see it, you think "God, please tell me you were drunk when you got that...?" but after you've seen the change for a few days, it grows on you, and eventually, that's all you know. It's like it's been that way forever. Facebook, changes and all, is like one of those friends you come to feel like you've known forever, even if you haven't. And eventually you start to think you met other friends through Facebook, when really that's not the case at all. But I mean, come on, there are people I'm friends with on Facebook that I literally haven't spoken to/e-mailed/heard from/caught wind of in TEN YEARS. You tell me we're not friends through Facebook? Facebook isn't the reason we're friends? Facebook didn't practically introduce us to each other?

And now, after all these introductions, without Facebook, not only would I be at a complete loss as to how to spend my entire day/month/year/life, I would also be 177 friends closer to lonely! And did you even know you HAD 177 friends? Me, when Facebook and I met, I looked at all the losers with their hourly updated status and weekly upated profile pictures and said 156 friends, my ass. They don't know all those freaking people. They're friending people they barely know. And I made a silent pact with Facebook that WE would never be that lame. WE were going to only friend people we were friends with. At least at one point. Even if that point was 15 years ago. And we couldn't remember their last name. Or the spelling of their first name. And here I am, 177 friends later, absolutely In Love with Facebook. Addicted to Facebook. Can't Get Enough of Facebook. But it's okay, after all, everyone's doing it. That makes it okay, right?

Hi, my name is Penney, and I'm addicted to Facebook...