Friday, September 18, 2009

Vasectomy, anyone?

I left the Unsupportive Louse alone with the Energizer Bunny for 3 hours last weekend. WHAT was I thinking?? THREE WHOLE HOURS?

They had dropped me off at a meeting because we'd all been in the general vincinity just before it began, and they were going to pick me up if the timing was convenient to naps, snacks, whatever else is involved in the life of an Energizer Bunny. Otherwise, I would just walk or bus home. A fine plan.

So, my meeting ends. I call, the Energizer Bunny is desperate to see me; they're excited to come pick me up. Wonderful.

Two minutes later, the phone rings -

"Hey, everything okay?" I ask

The Energizer Bunny is screaming in the background. "FIND YOUR OWN WAY HOME!" Click.


I begin the 3 mile walk home.

15 minutes later, I get a text message -

"I'm getting a vasectomy tomorrow"

Obviously such a procedure needs to be performed immediately, no time to delay!

I call.

The Energizer Bunny is crying in the background. "He's being unreasonable!!"

"He's 2."


"He's frustrated. He's having trouble trying to communicate with you."

"Tell him to speak English!"

"He's 2."

"EXACTLY! He's had TWO YEARS to learn! It doesn't take two years to learn a language!"

I pause. How does one respond to such a rational statment? "Give him a little more time. Try to be patient with him for now."

"Just come home before I strangle him." Click.

I speed up.

Ten minutes later I'm almost home. I call to make sure they're both still breathing.

The Energizer Bunny is wailing in the background. "Where are you!?"

"Almost home. Why don't you guys walk to meet me?"

The Unsupportive Louse suggests such an outing to the Energizer Bunny. The wailing stops.

"Yes. Go find Mommy."

"Fine." Click. Sigh.

Two mintues later, I hear the creaking, wobbling wagon the Energizer Bunny adores. No wailing. This must be a good sign. The wagon turns the corner.

The Unsupportive Louse spots me. The wagon is flung down the sidewalk toward me. "He's all yours." He turns around and walks away.

The Energizer Bunny jumps into my arms and yells over his shoulder, "I luuub you, Da-dee!"

The Unsupportive Louse later tells me that The Energizer Bunny gets his "insanity" from me. Hm.


  1. hmmm...why husbands handle a two year old for longer than 5 minutes? I will tell you why...two year olds don't play well in the sandbox together.

  2. If it makes you guys feel any better, I was about to strangle KG yesterday. :) Two-year-olds sure know how to push adult's buttons!

  3. My husband could not handle our daughter till she was around 4, and now they are the best of buddies!