Don’t Get Up for the Pregnant Lady. Really.

Now that I’ve grown too fat and slovenly to ride my bike ten miles on a daily basis, I’m back to taking the bus to work and daycare. Which, as much as I love the availability and world-saving possibility of the bus…can really be obnoxious.

Because some days I’m running 30 seconds late, and on those days, the bus is right on time and then I’m 20 minutes late. And some days, when I’m right on time, the bus is running 30 minutes late and then, no matter what, so am I. And that’s just not fair really.

And some days, the bus is crowded. Some days, I have to stand. Some days, I have to hold on to that flimsy strap of material way the hell up on that bar that to reach stretches my arm beyond good balance even when I’m not middle-heavy. And I know there are plenty of young women out there these days with beer guts and I know I’m not so pregnant that there is still a good chance to the outside observer that this baby is just a beer baby like all the rest of those girls. And so when I have to stand, I don’t whine. Really, I don’t.

It’s days that I have to stand and watch the jackasses who didn’t bother to get up for me also not bother to get up for an ELDERLY (1) WOMAN (2) whose left leg is clearly not in working order (3) who is fumbling to put her wallet back in her purse because her left hand doesn’t seem to be as functional as the rest of ours (4) and her right hand is desperately holding on to the pole she is forced to hold because those dumb jackasses are pretending to look the other way and not notice her so god forbid they have to give up their precious seat for the next 5 stops.

Even WORSE, there is always one jackass, most often a chatty regular who thinks she owns the bus, with her FLIPPING BAG on the seat next to her, so involved in her overly loud conversation that she can’t possibly observe that the poor woman needs to sit down and she wouldn’t even lose her seat. Her bag (or, in most cases, her three different cat stamped, homemade, Ikea-looking bags) would lose its seat. And now wouldn’t that be tragic.

So really, don’t get up for the pregnant lady. I’ll gladly fall on you. But if you don’t get up for that elderly woman with a bum leg AND bum hand next time? I’ll throw up on you. Because my motion sickness has been getting better and better every time I have to stand on the bus.